Feb. 3rd, 2003

This is my first day back from vacation. Just after noon we lost the edge switch in the server room, blew a slot on the backplane of the main gigE router and fried the gigE card in the nis+ server. Everyone on the project was dead in the water until about 9pm. We've got the servers back up now but I still need to make the rounds on the workstations.

I spent all of last week in Georgia. It was a wonderful trip. It was fun and relaxed. I saw Atlanta and Savannah, soaked up some culture, saw some hokey monuments. It's the first time in a year I actually looked forward to getting out of bed in the morning. It's amazing how quickly that leaves you, you know, like in the first 12 hours. Georgia was such a wonderful timeout zone -- everything that has haunted my thoughts this last year was pushed aside. I was just me again. It's hard being back. The first thing I had when I got home was a message from my doctor that I need to go schedule an ultra sound on my liver. Joy.

I realized on this trip that I can no longer put off writing. I've been trying to write and I manage it. But then I start to feel better about life and quit. I can't do that any more. I've spent entire days thinking about what will make my life worthwhile-- the one thing that when I look back I will be able to say my time on this planet was not a total waste. I know the answer to that is writing. But being driven to it is not the same as wanting to do it, or enjoying it. One thing that is clear to me about coming back from this vacation is that I came home ready to face my life. It's good to have some of my gumption back.

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smileswhf

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